Posted January 31, 2013 by Cooper Point Journal in Letters & Opinion
 
 

Wasted Advice: 1/31/13


I am a bisexual man, and I have a crush on a straight male classmate. It makes it a little hard to focus on my class work when he’s being humorously flirtatious. What should I do? Hopefully-

Options to Gayge

Well OG,

The same thing the rest of us do! Welcome to equality, friend. Everyone has been in this situation- bi, straight or gay. It’s called “unrequited love.” Or maybe in this case just unrequited like. It would be hard for me to count the number of times in a class I’ve sat, starinf at some lovely ladey, instead of paying attention to some lecture on the importance of the ancient salt trade to modern consumerism. In som regards, you are luckier than most in this unfortuante situation. If you know this fellow to be straight, than you will have an easier time convincing yourself to direct your amourous feelings in a more receptive direction. Most situations deal with more complex mental gymnasticks. You, at least, have no clown sitting on your shoulder pulling petal of a flower- he loves me, he loves me not. If you think he is fooling himself, then by all means, graba drink. (I konw I have.) Get a mor acurate gauge on his true feelings. Just don’t be upset if your initial read proves true. This is for all our loyal readers, regardless of the subject of you feelings: If you two don’t click, it just wasn’t meant to be. It doesn’tr maytter if it’s a question of orientation or persdonality or mutual attraction, some people work and some people don’t. That’s life. Get used to it.

What exactly is a mustache ride, anyways?

Sincerely,

P ‘Stachio

Ah good P ‘Stach,

Here I was, afraid that all tongights questions would be shallow and just plain unhelpful to our readers at large. How wrong I was. Urban Dictionary defines a mustcahce ride as “When a person with a mustache has someone sit on their face. As if the mustache were a ride at the carnival, where indecently most of the mustache rides are given.” This would seem to be one that most Evergreen students could experiment with themselves. Furhter from Urban Dictionary, so that our exchange students from the south don’t feel left out of todays publication: “Hailing from the spanish verb montar, it means to mount ones face, LITERALLY, this move is highly controversial and should only be repeated by professionals. mustache ride translated into spanish. Dan “Quieres montar my bigote?” Aurelie “Si senor! Mi gusto mucho.””

Thanks Evergreen students, for making me do this onamonday night. My class tomorrow appreciates it. Now time to start my homework.

Sincerely, Señor Cuervo.