WWSD? What Would Satan Do?

by Patrick Stewart

When an individual decides that they are interested in a religion, it usually isn’t hard for them to figure out where to turn. There are support groups, online communities, and places of worship for most spiritualities, religions, sects and denominations. But say that you’ve tried God, Buddha, Allah, Yaweh and Haile Selassie, and you’ve decided they’re just not for you. The next logical step, obviously, is to aim your sights a little lower. Way lower. Keep going. That’s it – there he is. The Dark Lord himself. All Hail Satan. But where to find some like-minded worshipers? The Olympia Satanic Society is here to help. Meeting every fourth Wednesday at 7:30pm at the Olympia Center, the group gathers for discussion of Satan and eating of cookies (not vegan). So what goes on at Satanic meetings held in a conference room? To help with your devilish curiosity, we chat with the folk who started the society, Chris Allert, otherwise known as The AntiChris, and his girlfriend, Ashlee Levcun, or The Blind Satanist.


Patrick: So how did you guys get started doing this in Olympia?

Ashlee: I was really wanting to go see a Satanic church sermon, like in a creepy church, but we couldn’t find one anywhere. So we’d watched the documentary on Anton Leveigh [Satansim], and I’d get really horny. Satan just made me really happy, so we decided to work on Satan.

Chris: For years, I saw all these people handing out Bible tracts, and it always really annoyed me. I just thought it would be funny for someone to be doing the exact same thing, but just being really pushy about Satan. I grew up going to an Evangelical Christian school, and there’s just an appeal to televangelists and proselytizing that I can’t quite explain. I’ve been an atheist for years, but I’ve always thought “I don’t see what’s so bad about the Devil.” In the Garden of Eden story he’s just telling you about knowledge you’re not supposed to have. The metaphor of the Devil is just something that really inspires me. And Ashlee really inspires me.

P: And now I hear you’re hoping to expand it to a student group?

[Editors note: Greeners for Satan is a student group that hopes to be formed by the end of the month- in time for the next full moon meeting. You can find them on Facebook for updates on the group. It is being lead by Daisy Woodward.]

C: I like the idea of there being a Satanic missionary here, and a Satanic student group. In Satanism, we’re all supposed to be our own Gods, so maybe we can come up with some rituals that would be fun.

A: And I like how many people it disgusts!

C: Yeah, it upsets people, but it also makes people laugh.

A: I always ask people if they want to hear the good news about Satan.

C: She’s always walking around downtown, yelling “Hail Satan!” at strangers.

A: A lot of people say it back now.

P: What’s the most important thing that people should know about Satanism?

C: That it’s whatever people want it to be. Satanists everywhere don’t agree on everything, because the Devil, there’s not a lot in the Bible about him, so we don’t have a lot to go on. Almost every Satanist would agree that it’s about being your own God, and that the figure of the Devil is something to embrace instead of rebuke. But there are atheists like me who don’t believe in the supernatural, it’s just metaphorical. And then there’s theistic Satanists that pray to Satan, like Ashlee is more theistic than me, so you can’t generalize much more. There’s a commitment to wickedness or trickery, but I don’t know if that’s universal. It’s just like if you ask,”What’s a Christian?”, you couldn’t have an exact answer. But it definitely takes a certain kind of person to just publicly say “I stand with Satan.” To throw your lot in with the Devil.

A: I stand with Satan! Hail Satan!

P: And Ashlee, what do you want people to know?

A: That Satanism is something that’s way more fun than Jesus. Satanism is a way to release all the feelings that people force on you about how you’re supposed to be guilty, or about turning the other cheek. I used to do that, but Satanism to me was a way to embrace saying “no, I’m not going to turn the other cheek, I’m going to hit them back.” It’s a way to embrace guiltlessness, and shamelessness, and not living up to other people’s standards. When I became a Satanist, Satan cured my panic attacks. I used to get them a lot from people trying to get me to feel bad, but now I hardly get them at all.

C: [dryly] Satan cures panic attacks. We have an actual miracle healing story here. No, it’s true though. Ashlee did stop having panic attacks when she stopped feeling guilty so much.

P: How else has Satanism changed your day-to-day life?

C: I’ve got friends that freaked out who don’t talk to me anymore. But also friends I never would have met if I hadn’t started doing this. When I came out as a Satanist it really made people show their true colors. It’s interesting, usually in the Bible, the Devil’s job is to test people. Some people pass, and some people just fold. Some people are really judge mental but they hide it; when they find out that you’re out there promoting depravity and the Devil, they can’t hide it anymore. I’m grateful for it, I’d rather see people as they are than live in some sort of illusion.

A: I’m way happier now that I’m a Satanist. So I hate my family, right? And I kept trying to get them to go away. I took them to court and everything to get a restraining order, but they wouldn’t go away! So finally, I publicly humiliated them on the internet, told them I was a Satanist, and they finally left me alone. I lost a lot of relationships too, but overall Satanism has helped me enjoy life more, and not care what people think about me. I have an old Russian grandma who’s a Jehovah’s Witness that wouldn’t stop calling me, and she told me she was going to do Hail Mary’s for me, so I told her I was going to do Hail Satans for her! [they both giggle]

P: That’s pretty amazing. So then what goes on at the meetings?

C: Basically there’s no structure. The meetings are just a place for people to show up and talk about Satan and eat cookies. People used to complain that the cookies weren’t vegan, but vegan cookies just aren’t good, you know? So those meeting aren’t really rituals, it’s just a place for people to talk.

P: Is there a place for rituals?

C: Well the first part of a pact with the Devil is you go to a crossroads. I was trying to think of a place and ended up riding the Bainbridge Ferry at midnight. It was a new moon, which is the darkest night of the month, and I thought that was good. So I invite everyone to do that each month. You have to figure out what you can do for the Devil, and what you want the Devil to do for you. Really, you have to figure out what you want to do for yourself, since it’s about worshiping you. My personal ritual is to take five demon images and release them into the water. People do whatever kind of ritual works for them.

A: Mine is Smm Smm! [pronounced Sum-Sum]

C: She has a demon named Smm Smm.

P:(nods, unsure how to follow that up)

C: I have an altar in my room. I have a glass bowl of white sand, which symbolizes the barrenness and poverty of holiness. I burn a black candle in the center of that to symbolize wickedness rising above holiness. I have it surrounded by twelve vials of polluted water, to remind myself to fill every hour of the day and every month of the year with depravity. Then I have a bell next to it that I ring and put the candle out with. I ring it nine times, which has historical significance in Satanism. I have thirty pieces of silver in a little bag, to remind me to betray Christ. They’re all things I made myself, it’s my personal ritual. Everyone has their own. This one resonates with me.

A: I invoke my Smm Smm demon, he’s my direct line to Satan. I like to do a lot of rituals in the bathroom. If I want a certain prayer answered or a certain curse on someone to be fulfilled, I invoke my Smm Smm demon, and I hold my phone over the toilet. My grandma gave me the phone to use for Jehovah, but I like to use it for Satan. Then I flush the toilet so that the curse or the prayer gets down to him.

C: I really like her rituals. I’ve heard that when you say, “Hail Satan,” you’re really saying “Hail Me,” and that’s always stuck with me. It’s a way to say that you’re not going to follow all the taboos we have just because someone says to. And sometimes you violate one and realize “oh, that was there for a good reason.” But you’ll never know until you try.

A: And when I say, “Hail Satan,” I mean, “Hail Satan.”

C: I’m not a hateful person. Even if someone is a Christian, I’m not trying to push my thing on anyone. I’m not out there knocking on anyone’s door. I probably should, just to make a point, but it’s just too rude for me, so I don’t. But someone should be the Satanic Campus Missionary. Someone has to spread the Dark Gospel.

P: Final thoughts?

C: If Bill O’Reilly writes a book about me killing Jesus, I’ll really feel like I’ve accomplished something.

A: Hail Satan!

You can find more information online at
SatanicMission.Org or on Facebook at Olympia Satanists / Greeners for Satan