Posted January 15, 2015 by Cooper Point Journal in Wasted Advice
 
 

Wasted Advice


Greetings. Welcome to Wasted Advice, wherein you ask for advice and a different member of our talented staff answers each week—drunk. We both win. You can ask us the questions you can’t ask your resident advisor.

I need more friends. Where can I find some?
i have no idea i have like two friends so plz lmk when you find out. i find it easier to date poeple than jsut make friends normal style so maybe try ok cupid // getting drunk and being slutty

How do I break it to my partner that I want to leave them?
i never really dump people because i rarely date people soooo im not the best person to ask but the last time i got broken up with he said he didnt want to date me because i was ‘too mean’ so maybe being a total fucking brat &/or cyberbullying will work for u 2 good luck sweetie

Do I REALLY need a boyfriend or am I better off single?
as a vv wise acquaintance of my outside vita once said ‘yeah i need a boyfriend like a hole in the head’ i suggest you just m.o with your friends and listen to beyonce

How do you casually vom and keep on partying?
puking is totally cool. find a boy who thinks its cute when you puke in his hair. thats true ~romance~~

Uggs—yes or no??
yes yes yes have you ever even fucking worn uggs, obviously not or you would not be asking me this shit, it is like walking on fucking clouds, that is the closest you will ever be to an angel. like yeah they are ugly, monsterously hilariously hideously ugly and they feel like pure ecstasy!!!! hahahahahahahahahaaa

I think art is useless but i still care about it, how do I fight the feelings that i should be doing something more “important”?
art is so fucking useless it makes me cackle and squeal and roll around on the floor in the library its just a big giant useless joke. but usefulness is a bullshit metric that is imposed upon us by capitalism revel in the uselessness!!! join me in my hysteric laughter at how utterly unimportant everything i do is!! and i promis you’ll feel better

What’s the best way to get drunk on a budget?
i only had $5 to do this column its all about the 40ozz dude but dont forget to pour a sip out for the homies or you will have to get out of bed to pour beer in the yard and its dumb. i would put an **adorable** selfie of me with my mickeys but this is supposed to be anonymous or w.e

My boyfriend won’t fuck me when I’m on my period. What should I do?
talk to him about it duh. sorry i am being mean, shit like this is hard. i guess just talk to your partner, tell them you really want tot have sex on your period, and see if there is something that would make them more comfortable with that. respect their boundaries of course but like is blood really any grosser than normal sex slime? probz not

Do people who drink wine whine more?
only if they drink expensive wine ~~ or write poetry and act like they drink expensive wine

How do I get men to not treat me like garbage?
dont let them treat you like garbage, like when dudes act fucking shitty do not tolerate it, tell them to leave and shut up forever. but also dont be too hard on herself and remember that it isnt your responsibility to teach every peice of garbage to not act like garbage, you can just leave you dont owe men lessons about how to not be terrible. im feeling this really hard right now be brve and strong you deserve the world sweet angel <3

My mom worries im an alcoholic because drink everyday on vacations when I come visit her, how do I convince her that I am just getting my vacation party on and she shouldnt worry?
like literalyl dont moms are nerds you dont need that kind of negativity

I want to receive anonymous wasted advice but my college newspaper section that does this is not as funny as it used to be, what should I do?
get some drinking buddies to go to mccoys and talk about your life with them if you dont like me also shut up