Posted January 31, 2015 by Cooper Point Journal in Wasted Advice

Wasted Advice

Greetings. Welcome to Wasted Advice, wherein you ask for advice and a different member of our talented staff answers each week—drunk. We both win. You can ask us the questions you can’t ask your resident advisor.

What’s the best way to make a threesome happen?
Well, first ou have to fine a willing and consenting secual partnet. Then the two of ou need to find out whether or not you feel comfortable enough banging someone else at the same time—together. If you do, then you need to find a third willing and censenting partner that you can both bang, together. The goal here is to make a trifecta of awesome sexy sex. There needs to be trust and love and lots of orgasms.

My ex and I have been separated for eight months now after five years of being together. We were engaged and have a two year old daughter. Our break up wasn’t anything malicious. We simply had a conflict of personality and both have different interests. My feelings for her run deeper than the difference in opinion and interests. How can I win her back when she simply does not want to be with me because we were unhappy in the end?
I’m gonna pull a Rust Cohle and be blunt with ya here, man. A woman is not an object. You cannoy “win” her back. If she is no longer happy and no longer wants to be with her, then st the pussy free and let her go. Feelings change and relationships run out of steam and that’s just life. Be thankful that you didn’t end on malicious terms. hopefuly you can still be civil around each other for your daughter’s sake. IF so, be thankful for that and continue to be the best man and fatehr that you can be. If you guys decide to give things another chance, then just relax and lets things go where thye will go, y‘know like a corpse thrown down the river.

How many times a week should I masturbate?
As often as you fucking want. Like, you’re an adult. if you want to touch your genitals, go for it. No one will fault ya for that.

If you’ve been in a relationship with someone for 7+ months, would you think it odd if they still haven’t mentioned you to their family yet? Especially if they have fairly close ties to them? That reall depends on the tpe of relationshup that you have. Also I guess it depends on whether or not you want to meet their gamilies. Families are hard ot be around and you have one of your own anyway I’m guessing so why mess with theirs, y’know? Trust me, having more than one family is just awkward and ther’s just too much juggling to handle.

How do I fall in love? Don’t do it. It’s a trap. Love is messy and people’s feelings get hurt and it brings out a lot o insecurities and trust issues and sadness and paranoi and just on’t do it. It’s overrated anyway.

What is the best way to get a girl on tinder?
Step 1: Get her a smart phone. Step 2: Set it up andmake sure you install the tinder app. Step 3: Have her make an account. There. She’s on tinder.

Why is Trader Joe’s Vodka of the Gods so delicious? Everything at Trader Joe’s is delicious and actually not too expensive so I don’t even know why you’re complaining right now? Just fucking drink it and enjoy it.

Everything is going my way. I have nothing to complain about. What do I do?
Blog about it.