Posted May 28, 2015 by Cooper Point Journal in Wasted Advice

Wasted Advice

Greetings. Welcome to Wasted Advice, wherein you ask for advice and a different member of our talented staff answers each week—drunk. We both win. You can ask us the questions you can’t ask your resident advisor.

How does one become confident in their day to day life?
wow i wish I knew. I think confidence is mostly about pretending that you’re confident and eventually that becomes real. like sometimes when I feel like everything is hopeless I just pretend that everything is great and usually that does work but somtimes it does? idk. wear more crop tops.

i constantly feel like im running out of time and like im a complete waste of space, help
Hey guess what. I feel that all the time. You are a perfect snowflake and I love you so much. yr not a waste o space because space is there to be inhabited okay??

how can the CPJ become interesting / relevant / less hopeless
Honestly are you fucking kidding me right now?? Like don’t come at me with this if you’re not going to fucking capitalize the first letter of this sentence?? And like how about you learn to punctuate your shit?? Maybe fucking learn how to ask a proper questino then come back later. Like the CPJ could become more interesting if ignorant assholes like you weren’t reading it tbh

I recently applied to transfer out of Evergreen and got accepted! Now I have second thoughts. What should I do ?
get out while you can Gerorgey B is going to ruin everything and evergreen is going to have frats so like hopefully you got acepted to a place where there aren’t frats

If I have $10 in my bank account how should I spend it with a YOLO attitude?
don’t fucking buy fireball that’s for sure it tastes like crap. I sugggest buying some of the really shitty $4 groc out wine and buying yrself a dessert snack such as brie and apricots. Idk if that’s yolo enough though.

I want a cat, but my roommate’s allergic. What should I do?
get a new roommate, obtain five cats

My girlfriend won’t stop singing to me whenever she drinks wine. How do I make her stop?
wow it sounds like you are doing your girlfriends a great disservice. I wish I could be confident enough to sing to people while I’m drunk. you should break up with your girlfriend so she can date people who appreciate her more

Does Rene Magritte really have a pipe?
dude literally take an art history class. he never spefifies if he has a pipe, he just says it’s not one. Like, I’m sure Magritte has a pipe. Bro probably 420 blazed it errday. how the fuck else would have thought of son of man? But that’s like not the point you know. ceci ne pas une pipe is about representation and authenticity and like it’s paint on a canvas, not a pipe, and that’s so beautiful bcause people always fuckign take art so literally and it’s not literal all the time okay??

how does one create change within the government?
Be a rich white cis dude. buy a suit. ?????