Posted September 23, 2015 by Cooper Point Journal in Wasted Advice
 
 

Wasted Advice



 

how do i get Dwayne the rock Johnson to date me

messgage him on insta tell him to ‘come to olympia and ill show you a good time’ tell him youll take him to taco bell no one can refuse that no matter how rich and famous

 

What is the best method to avoid texting one’s ex?

dude idk i am aa chronic drunk txterr or even worse a drunk call and cry typa grl i dont have my life together enough to answer this shit. or like give your phone to a friend. or like even better fucking smash it. smashing something is always the answer smash the state whle ur at it

 

How can you tell if someone is actually telling you the truth? Do you know when people are lying to you?

okay but like truly whom cares lying is fun according to a panic at the disco song i really liked when i was 11 lyinf is rhe most fun a girl can have without taking your clothes off but thinking back that song was proabbly misogynist or like at least a whiny boy which i have no fucking patience for so anyway probablt wrong. uhhh idk on like the mentalist you can tell from their body language if somebuddy is lying if your frnds lie too much either get in on it and start making up hella stories together and bond ovr ur compulsive lyin or like dont be frnds cuz theyre probably like *toxic* yknow

 

How does one become confident in their day to day life?

sometime i hate myself so much i cant get out of bed LOL the best advice i can give is fake it til ya make it just pretend like ur the bad bitch ya want to see in the world pretend urr nicki minaj and then people will think ur gr8 and then you will be. anyone who tells you not to get validation from others is full of shit idk thats a really depressing thing to say maybe just like act like a dgafer and eventually it will be tru

 

I constantly feel like im running out of time and like I’m a complete waste of space, help!

lol same. this advice columb is so #relatable its cool to make a game out of taking up space even when you dont feel like you deserve it like talk loud wear heels that make you tower get fat see how much space you take up its hard to feel like waste of space when youre just fucking w people by taking up as much space as you can ((this advice is not to cishetwhitedudes though yall need to take up less space tbh))

 

idk what its like to feel like ur running out of time tho im 19 even if i die yung i got all the time in the world. some stupid shit one time though said ‘lfe cant be too short its literally the longest thing that you do’ and thats good to remember  also stop smoking ull have more time

 

help i dont know how to become self sufficient and my parents support me financially right now which gives me no autonomy whatsoever (i know may sound whiny or sarcastic but i mean it, i feel so trapped)

u think ull b autonomous when you have to wrk a job hahahaha jokes on your we live in hellworld and working sucks (a bumper sticker that reads: the only thing worse than being unemployed is having a job) your paerents will cut your off at somepoint enjoy it while it lasts, buy your fnds who grew up poor drinks; make it rain at the clubbb also like remember that your parents really cant control you take their money and do whatevr you wanna do worst thing could happen is theyll stop fiving it to you and then youll be a broke schlub like evrybuddy else

 

I recently applied to transfer out of Evergreen and got accepted! Now I have second thoughts. What should I do ?

idk? imo evergreen rulez and normal school droolz but i love being in school and hate being told what to do so this is the spot for me i understand that not evryone wrks best in a place where they got freedom to do whatever. dont take out student loans though thats like my one real af advice during this drunk bullshit like going somewhere cheap and having fun and accepting youll be a dishwasher when you graduate is better than taking loans and going to a ‘better school’ and thinking youll have a career when you wont. sorry to be the bearer of bad newss but like the economy yknow. 

 

If I have $10 in my bank account how should I spend it with a YOLO attitude?

buy a beer get drunk and answer peoples stupid ass questions. thats how i was gunna spend my last ten dollars but tehn my card got declined and i had to search my friends car for quarters to pay the seven eleven guy. true story. also like get yolo is v 2012 learn new slang bud

 

Where is the best bathroom on the Evergreen campus?

idk but once i fucked in the singly occupancy bathroom on the second floor of the library building and let me tell you it was not reccomended someone came to try to vacuum while we were doing it and its weirdly way hotter than evry room on campus and has no mirror (what the fuckkkk>???!!) i like the gender nuetral bathroomz across from the cpj office cuz you can pee w ur frnds of all genders

 

I want to use a term of endearment for my partner, what term do you suggest?

i like sweetie thats what i call my dates because its cute and gender nuetral my mom calls her sweetie her boo which is like sort weird and also cute i like to be called prince$$ tbh

 

Plz tell me how to turn up?

if you dont know how to get turnt you will nevr know how to get turnt sorry square

 

I want to work and live over seas someday. Norway, Finland, Switzerland, Scotland, Japan, whatev. Would be nice if someday is soon. Suggestions on jobs and opinions for locations?

talk to like a college counceler idk who the fuck u think i am also like make contract and convince evrgreen to give u ur tuition back to do it i heard thats a thing tickets to oslo are real cheap. next summer im gunna try to go to berlin to partyyy then greece cuz thats where the cool anarchist shit is going down but like i aint doing shit for school. just go somewhere ull figure out money. i believe in you <33

 

My boyfriend decided to prank me for Valentine’s by putting a snake in a box as a gift. Should I break up with him? If so, how do I break up with him in a way that satisfies my need for revenge?

hahahaha i find this like more funny that im probably supposed to also snakes are sick as fuck and if someone got be a pet snake that would be a sick present in my opinion

 

Need some ideas for outdoor activities using little cash. Be it alone or with a group of people. What would ya suggest? For any season.

fuck the outdoors. i never leave the house. swimming in the quarry is good in sumer otherwise stay inside. read a fuckng book or something. write some poetry. get sad. thats what olympia is for. 

 

I want to wear a dress at all times, but I’m a man. How can I justify that for 18 credits?

just do it trademark nike

 

How is Nicki Minaj so good? Like, at all things? Forever.

shes a goddes.. thats it. thats my whole answer. a goddess. i would marry her and be her house wife even if we werent having sex. she is the one. 

 

What do you do when you are staring at the cityscape with your honey, and you get a boner?

idk i would probably just have sex idk im getting bored of this whole “””advide””” thing tbh

 

What do you do when someone comes up to you, knife to the throat, saying that the Lannisters send their regards?

turn off the tv ya fucking nerd

 

I was using Tinder and accidentally swiped right on a coworker. I unmatched as soon as I realized what I had done, but I think he saw it before I did. How do I avoid an awkward encounter with him if he brings it up?

he probably wont bring it up like you unmatched him he should be shamed enough to pretend it didnt happen i would just be like “it was an accident but way to make it weird” and roll ur eyes really hard also like what the fuck ever yknow

 

can my vagina become gay before i do?

you mean like you wanna have gay sex before in your brain ya think ur gay because thats like p much evry baby queer ive ever met. i had lesbian sex before i ever had sex with a dude but was just like “i guess im probably straight no way to tell no reason im not straight” just do your thing and dont worry about sexuality labels