Posted April 20, 2016 by Cooper Point Journal in Wasted Advice
 
 

Wasted Advice



Greetings. Welcome to Wasted Advice, wherein you ask for advice and I continue to get drunk and advise you. We both win. You can ask me the questions you can’t ask your resident advisor.

How can I get people to stop thinking that I’m the Zodiac Killer? before you speak and whenever you speak and also upon entering and exisiting a room you should sayd “i am Not the Zodiac Killer” because if you were the zodiac killer you qowlud never say that because you value honesty and integrety. um. i don’t actually know that much about the xodiac killer i watched like the most boring fucking movie of my life once called zodiac that i don’t think was about that specifically buti maybe it was it was sooooo boring nothing happened,

also didn’t they solve this case? or they tought they did? was it wrong? like they used  linguistic analysis from his brothers emails or somethng and then compared it some bros manifesto and like they were like GOTCHA but also idk where i even learned that it’s just sometihng stored in my head??

so maybe if ppl keep saying u are the zodiac killer um. any.way i  liked the meme i saw on fabo that was like proof ted cruz is zodiac killer i laughrd and if this is YOU, TED Cruz, like don’t sweeat it there are lots of other reasons peoiple don’t trust you.

Hello, debaucherous youths of the Cooper Point Journal! I was hoping you could advise me as to how I can get more people to like me. Specifically, young people. More specifically, 18-29-year-olds in Pennsylvania and California. Asking for a friend who definitely isn’t Hillary Clinton. hey wassup hello FoDIHC (friend of definitely not hillary clinton).  first of all met me just ay that you are Doing The Right thing in advocating for your friend  who appears to be suffering from low self esteem regarding their inablity to conenct with the youths of 2daay.

i am a person who falls within the ages of 18-29 and also i have a few fruiends and lots of aquanitances who i am able to enagage w in friendly ways so ya i am anexpert. it mostly has to do with listening and asking quetions right? that’s how you make friends? ummm….the youths of pennsylvnain are problaby into making music videos, texting, eating cheese steaks, going to art museums, and riding razr scooters so maybe start there? but also know that if u do not cultivate a true respect and love for their youthful ways  they will call u out as a poser and then the harder you try they will just grow to distrust you mor eand will probably use your name as a joke like when someone is really bieng a slimey shit all the teens in lancasterPA will be like ‘wowwwwww way to be a friend of not-hillary clinton there bucko’

p much the same advice for kids in california but the hobbies are totally different they like skateboarding, eating fruit, and listening to CDs w their friends

how do you feel about dads? i know a few fine individuals that are dads, like, but i know them out of their dad-context, and so i can just meet them as human beings, one to one, yknow? but like a Dad as a Dad, bleargh. Dads are annoying 9/10 times they suk but i feel like it’s  biological dadness that makes them such, but it is like biological beingness that makes someone yr dad and so you have to deal w them being out of touch ..? idk i am trying to get over being a teenager and, tbh, even though i talk shit about dads liek all the time i feel like i should probably grow up and get over it??? Ugh but also, DAds why you gotta be that way??

i had a friend in high school who had a dad that would never linger aronud and maek us feel uncomfortable w bad ‘jokes’ but he would order us pizza and also he rode a motorcylce nad i ithnk that that dad is the type of dad u should be in the owrld.

Everything is going my way. I have nothing to complain about. What do I do? Um like chill tf out and enjoy it?? soon enough either things will go awry and/or the anxiety you feel over your contendness + guilt of  enjoying life will take over and you will be sad again….? Like, just think about it for a few minutes u will probalby find Something to complain about i believe in u don’t worry things will turn shit again soon xoxoxox