Posted October 12, 2016 by Cooper Point Journal in Letters & Opinion

Wasted Advice

Fall Week Three

Greetings. Welcome to Wasted Advice, wherein you ask for advice and I continue to get drunk and advise you. We both win. You can ask me the questions you can’t ask your resident advisor.

how do i look hot on halloween without havin a real normie “slutty whatever” costume Have a non-normie “slutty” costume. The worst thing about the “sluttly waterer” costume is the lack of originality, so just add a layer of irony and you can show off your flesh-prison without seaming basic. For example, wear your BDSM gear and the European Union Flag and be the idea of austerity.

what r u gonna be 4 halloween? Curious George — its perfect because I’ve always been very sexually attracted to the man in the yellow hat and I’m hoping that the universe provides me with a tall-hatted man of my own.

What is the best new album out that you’re overplaying? I’ve been really into Princess Nokia’s new album, 1992. Its sick, its fresh, its everything I’ve been hoping and dreaming for since ‘tomboy’.

i haven’t had sex in a really long time and i want to like without going on dates or whatevr how do i get laid without bein an objectifying creep just trollin for babes or fucking the truly *terrible* men whom hit on me?  I’ll let you know when I figure it out (ask Body Party).

what are ur thoughts on girls? Hate Lena Duman

should i buy this car w no engine but that i havee an extra engine for since its on Craigslist for $50 and a rack of bud? how do i actually motivate myself to do the projects i think are a great idea when im drunk? i think yes. Ive done a mental cost-benefit analysis on it and i think that if you don’t do it then you’ll regret it forever and be damned by it in the afterlife. Alternatively, if things don’t work out with the engine,  you’ll probably be fine in the long run. To quote my favorite lyricist: “Now she want a photo, You already know though. You only live once ‒ that’s the motto … YOLO.” (Drake) In terms of motivating yourself  to do projects, theres only one way to go about it: trick your drum-self into doing it while drunk (thats what I’m doing right now).

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